*you're still the only one*

I've never actually hung out with Matt & not done anything besides talk & kiss. Honest to God. Thats like all we did last night...and ahh. idk. It's just weird, it's like it's not even real. I'm not in reality. I don't understand it. But I'm pretty sure neither of us have the intention of getting serious again...well he sort of does...but we don't really talk about it. I don't know. I'm tired. and my head hurts. I really didn't want to go to school today. I wanted to just sleep forever. and ever. and ever.
Travis is being weird...like anti-social. Well I guess I am too. Idk. He's too far away. I just wanna talk to him, like a pen-pal type of thing. He's sort of sexual in some ways & it's really weird. Like it wasn't that bad at first so I didn't really say anything & I just played along with it; then it started getting worse. idk.
Me & Dalton aren't really talking. I mean, he texted me one night. and i didn't text him back. I'm not going to either, yeah I guess I'm giving up in some ways. Not completely..but I just wanna do what'll make me happy & he stresses me out. I want to tell him that maybe we should see other people but I know he'll flip shit on me. Of course. I don't know exactly what I'm going to do anymore. Go with the flow I guess..
I'm still thinking about Febreeze. We talked about like when we first hung out, and when he got chased down by my dad, and I told him that I'm amazed that he didn't give up on me. He said he tried, really did, and he couldn't. thats why he'd say the mean things to me, hoping I'D be the one to walk away because he couldn't. Like when he said I was just another piece of ass to him...he didn't mean it. He wanted me to leave. I guess I sort of did, and then he said that he felt blah without me, like his life had no meaning and thats why he came back. I told him how I've always felt...how I loved him so much and I felt like he only wanted one thing from me. But you know when you look at the big picture, that wasn't really it at all. He did go through a lot for me. Crawling through windows, crawling OUT of windows, getting chased by my dad, interference with a cop, enduring the cold...as I've gone through a lot for him too. I've lied over and over again just for him & I've snuck out & gotten so close to getting caught. I've been grounded and blah blah blah. Yeah, we talkked about all that stuff. & I asked him why he didn't leave and he simply said: "because I can't."