I talked to Febreeze for awhile yesterday on the way home & idk. He keeps saying he misses me & blah blah blah. ahh. i told him i have my lady monster & then he didn't seem to want to hang out. so i told him to prove to me that he misses me & he's like 'easy' and i told him to explain & he said he can't, he'd have to show me...and idk. i told him when i was like an hour & 1/2 away, and he never texted back cause he was working. but he never texted back after that either. He just never texted back period. I don't understand. I feel sort of empty. I don't know whats going on & I hate that. I mean he said he wants to be 'together' but my term of being together is people knowing. not having to sneak out. thats the whole point of being together. no more lies. i want to be able to say where I'm going & who I'm going with. I want to be able to go to a movie with him, and not have to hide & duck & make up something if someone sees us together. I want to introduce him to my grandparents the right way & idk. I know it'll never be that way exactly with him, but thats what I want. maybe going back to him is a really bad idea. but I still love him to death. i never stopped. and I still want what I've always wanted with him. still. this is all so frustrating. i won't go to him first, and i won't tell him i love him. i'm not ready for that. I'm not waiting around for him. I don't need him, really. I just want him. and yes, I do miss him too.
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