Today was not an okay day. I feel empty and lost. Pretty much.
Me & Travis are fighting. I don't know whats going on with him, but it doesn't feel the same & honestley, I don't want to remember him anymore. I don't have the strength. He helped me a lot when it came to Febreeze. He prevented me from talking to him, or hanging out with him. He made me feel better when all I wanted to do was cry myself to sleep...but now it's all fading quickly.
So I talked to Febreeze last night & then Tegan started texting me...talk about random...because we haven't talked for a long long long long time. He's my best friend...He's like the brother I never had. He's pretty much amazing. He asked me what I was doing, and I said talking to Matt & Travis, and he flipped. He's like, I leave you & you go back to him?! I laughed, because he was all serious. and he gave me the '20 good reasons Becca should never talk to Matt' again. and so i stopped texting Matt. :) I guess I'm realizing that boys aren't worth it anymore. i don't even want a boyfriend. Dalton's okay, but personally I don't think we're all that serious...
and Travis? yeah, well, I'll have to get back to you on that.

...i realized im in love with you while waiting for you to text me back...pathetic? yeah, you could say that..

it shouldn't bother me as much as it does when he doesn't text back right away...but it does. So maybe I'm overreacting? Yeah, I'd say. We talked just about all day yesterday while he was working down at the elevator, and I was 'doing nothing'. I haven't told him yet I'm going to MN...but I doubt he cares anyways. He doesn't seem to want to hang out, nor do I want to hang out with him at the moment either. I'm trying to work on my physical appearance. and I don't want anyonne commenting on that. he texted me yesterday saying "rise and shine" and today I got "wake up sleepy head" I need to resist texting him back anyways because I can't keep going over on my texting. My grandpa's getting all shook up about it. Although personally I think it's worth it for who I'm talking to.

I'm excited to go to MN because I need to get away from this place. Everything around here reminds me of him. All the gravel roads we've drove down, being at the park together, seeing him in the hallway, yeah. Even my own house! Good greif. Well I'm in Biology right now & I have nothing to do. There's still like 10 minutes left. Should I check to see if he texted me back yet?

....wait for it....

god dammit.

yes, he didn't text me back. shut up. good lord.

well, I'm going to go now, and possibly cry. this is so dumb.